To Become A Better Me

Okay, so I'm going to start this blog by telling you the truth. I don't know what to write. I don't know if my hands were just tired of the same shitty words every day or my mind is so occupied that my vocabulary halted every word that wanted to come in or----I was just really fucked up. I don't know. These past few days, I really wanted to write. I really wanted to express myself through the words that we use every day but not everybody could interpret the meaning. I became exhausted, stressed, damned. I became so hopeless that I even can't trust myself that much. I don't know what to do. I wanted to cry for help but the tears never went down. 

To refresh and start a new life, I decided to go on a diet which I always promise every time someone tells me I am getting fat or I am fat. I know bitch. So that is why I felt envious of those thin, sexy bodies. I want to become my better self. I want to improve. So, I decided that I wanted to have more wisdom. I could get that by reading and observing, right? I want to be clean enough. I want to be mature enough. I want to express myself enough. I want to use the words you have used but conveyed difference metaphorically. I want to be fresh as new. I want to pay my debts, buy more books, work in a cafe and support my family and myself. I want to do all of this. And I know I can do this. Yes, maybe I can. No, I really can. I CAN DO IT ALL! I will be the better me I was longing for. That better person that my present me wants to feel and see. 

This is it. There is no turning back!

P.S. I will keep you updated on how little by little I make myself better. I will be successful and I will share my experiences with you!

With best regards,
d 🌸🌸🌸